Giving up every self-righteous act, stopping all efforts of self-justification and accepting the Bible's testimony against man's helpless and corrupt nature are acts of repentance. However, even after we have repented, believed and have been born again, the process of giving-up goes on for the rest of our lives.As all Christians do, I so often struggle with sin. I hate all kinds of sin. I just can't stomach it. And the sad part is, no matter what I do, I can't avoid it. The reason why I truly believe in the doctrine of man's total depravity is not only because it is written in Scripture but also because I had totally experienced it. Sin is in our very core captivating our souls. It is not something we can ward off with our own hands.
Whenever I sin, the Holy Spirit crushes my heart and I can't help but weep and praise His Name for loving me despite such wicked nature. Falling in sin even in thoughts is heart-wrenching, painful and sickening. And after falling so many times, I realized that I truly have nothing to hold on to but God and His promise that He will finish the work that He began in me.
Through our wretched states, we can truly see the utmost glory of God. The fact that He loved an unworthy soul such as I, speaks of wonders. Oh! How deep is His love indeed?! Who can fathom His infinite splendor? All I can say is that I give up. Oh yes! I give up! I am helpless, unclean and undone. And I am going to heaven by the merit and virtue of Christ alone. My soul can be repaired by the power of Christ alone. My life belongs to Him. He is in charge. If He sovereignly wills that I should suffer or indulge myself in the darkness so that I would see and appreciate His holiness even more then let it be done. I trust Him and wait in joyful hope for the completion of His restorative work in me. I stand blissfully helpless before His presence like a bottle tossed into a great, fierce ocean. Let Thy waves carry me Lord and let Thy will drown m
y soul so that I may see Thine beauty and worship Thou at Thine fullness.In conclusion, Christianity is not about unveiling an ancient tool that will satisfy your felt needs. It is about giving up, surrendering and holding on to Christ alone. Christianity is deliberately raising your empty hands and saying, "I give up. I am a sinner and I am rightfully condemned. Oh Holy One, do as you please for I am undone." and then submitting to the call of Christ with an awareness that you were unconditionally spared and loved out of His sovereign choice alone. Jesus suffered and died not only to save us from the law or free us from the bondage of sin. He died so that we may see the extent of His love and give Him the due glory He deserves. To Him be the glory now and forever!
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