WHY, OH LORD, WOULD YOU WANT ME TO LIVE?

I've been thinking too much lately. I've gone through a lot of needle holes these past months, struggling against my flesh. I know I'm dislocated. I know I'm not in the right position. I have failed.

I've been asking God the single question each day... "Why oh Lord would you want me to live?" Hehe I know this sounds like a suicidal note. But as a regenerate Christian who has learned to love the Lord and despise sin, the question makes utter sense.

Why would God want me to live? Because God needs me? Nah.. The God of Scripture doesn't need man. He is self sufficient and needs nothing from His creations. Isaiah 66:1-2 says, "Thus said the Lord - Heaven is My throne, earth is my footstool... Did I not create all things?"

Why would the Lord want me to live? Because my life is valuable? Nah.. The God of Scripture knows that my life is not a righteous life. Angels would applaud if I'd be put away so as to end my carnal mind and wicked flesh.

Why would the King of glory want me to live? Because I can give glory to His Name? Nah. He has several angels crying out day and night, "Holy, holy, holy" is the Lord. Earth and mountains praise His invisible hand. What am I compared to the Seraphim? What am I compared to the four creatures of revelation that sing unknown songs of praise? And even if His creations are granted the will to disobey His will, His glory shall be known. In heaven or hell, all life will confess His lordship and supremacy above all.

So then what is the answer.. ah.. its simple: God wants me to live so that He can demonstrate His greatness amongst others. It is the same for every man. God does not purpose His elect to live so that they can have their best lives now. He purposes His children to live to demonstrate to all creation His magnificence.

How in the world can God infinitely love an infinitely undeserving generation? Angels mutter.
Why in the world does God allow puny men that bring more profanity than praise, to live when He has a host of burning angels that praise Him for all eternity? The Seraphs cry out.

Why or How? When God takes a vile mass of humanity, forgives them, cleanses them and changes them to His image, His divine character is made visible and esteemed above all. His love, justice, holiness, mercy and sovereignty are revealed and joyfully cherished when He saves, frees and sanctifies unholy men. This is why I exist. I, along with His elect, am the living proof of God's love. I, along with His royal priesthood, am the demonstration of His holy and immutable mercy and kindness. This is my role that I share with His Church.

A jar of clay before the hands of its Maker. That's all I am.
A polished vessel of His glory. A reminder of His unconditional love. A statue that lived. A depraved soul that was set free. A man rightfully condemned but receiveth undeserved favor.

And every angel who takes a look at me, remembering my old state in comparision to my current existence, falls flat on their face, marvels at the Lord and wonders, "How great is Thy love, oh Lord? "How great is Thy mercy?" "How infinite is Thy kindness?" "How patient is Thy hand?" "How just is Thy sight?" "How sovereign is Thy will?" And the endless song goes on forever in an eternity of eternities.