So yeah, why do I firmly believe in courtship and reject dating? Well to make my point easier, I'll just illustrate the differences and you decide which is more Biblical of the two. To be honest, dating isn't even Biblical or "cultural".
Recreational dating is a modern day phenomenon. It is non-existent 100 years ago (go ask your good great grandmas about this ^_^), which means its not even in secular culture or history. Dating is a "testing the waters" kind of thing where a man can go out with a girl without assuming the responsibility and at the same time, go out with her without even thinking of marriage as the end goal. In other words, its just "recreational". I'm not trying to sound godly here. I am guilty of this too. (sigh) We men really need to grow up. Or should I say boys?
Anyways, enough with my vicious talk ^_^ Time to see the difference between dating and courtship. (I don't believe I can write about all the differences since each difference needs a lot of explanation for clarity, so I'll just write about at least two for now and just continue when I get the free time again.. ^_^)
By the way, this note is generally for men who are dead serious with women. It may be a little helpful to women too but you'll find most of the content directed to men. Some of the things here may also be offensive. I'm always open to comments so please feel free to comment if you happen to read this note.
Difference number 1:
Courtship says pursue a woman only if you are ready to assume the responsibility of caring for her and you are considering marriage as a possible end-point of your relationship. Dating says, "test the waters, you don't really have to bother yourself with marriage, as long as you're both happy, that's it".
This may be hard to hear but I really believe there's no sense in courting a woman unless you are READY to assume the responsibility of caring for her and you are CONSIDERING the possibility of marriage. Any other reason outside the above mentioned is selfish, inconsiderate, unfair and immature. I'm not saying that you should be constantly thinking of marriage or obsessed with progressing to that end. My point here is that, if you're not ready for marriage or your not even considering her as a future spouse, why court her?
I also mentioned being ready to "assume the responsibility of caring for her". This doesn't just mean that you can provide for her financially. The responsibility of caring for her also goes beyond giving her time and attention. What I mean here is that you are spiritually able to lead and protect her with your life. Yep, no misspelled phrases or exaggeration. As men and initiators, we must be able to lead our women spiritually and protect her purity from our flesh with all the strength we can muster. Sure,we all have problems with lust, but this is exactly why spiritual leadership is the first measure of courtship. If you know that your still not "man enough" to lead her, then humbly drop it for now, seek the Lord in prayer, trust Him and allow Him to work in you BUT continue praying for her as you grow in holiness and discernment. Perceive your "singleness" as a time of prayer and growth.
Difference number 2:
Dating says, "When your heart starts to beat for a lady, its a green light. Its a GO signal to pursue her. Do what you feel is right and you'll be fine". Courtship says the opposite: When your heart starts to beat for a lady, it is not a GO signal to start a relationship. It is a yellow, caution signal. It means its time to be cautious of your feelings and prepare yourself for Biblical manhood/womanhood.
Yes, the feelings that we have for the opposite sex are from God. God has created them and ordained that both members of the opposite sex should feel them. But to interpret such feelings as a go signal is foolish. First of all, feelings should not be the basis of our decisions. "Doing what you feel is right" sounds good in movies but in reality, that's utter crap. "What you feel is right" isn't necessarily the right thing. Most importantly, Jer 17: 9 says that the human heart is wickedly deceitful. Your heart can deceive you and we've seen that far too many times already.
Now what does it mean to be "cautious of our feelings"? This means to keep our feelings in check and to guard our hearts from misplaced passions that may arise from such attraction. This also means to never allow your emotion to interfere with your spiritual life and service to God.
I also mentioned about Biblical manhood and womanhood. Although both may be a part of a whole another topic, I'd like to define Biblical manhood and womanhood briefly. I would define Biblical manhood as a stage where a boy is starting to assume the responsibilities of a man and is preparing himself to lead a woman spiritually, which means being capable of assisting her in growing in sanctification and protecting her from things that may harm her relationship with the Lord, with her family and her ministry.
For Biblical womanhood, you can just check this link: http://www.heartcrymission
Well, this is it for now.. I'll see if I can still continue with the series.. this will be a looong one though ^_^
No comments:
Post a Comment