AN EXPOSED DELUSION

A realization has to be written. A truth must be spoken. Alas! I know this note will surely grieve many but such an atrocious delusion must be exposed. I must confess: the way we define love in this generation will disgust the Author of it.

How can we tell when people love us? Well, according to the world, "the one who loves me is the one who affirms me, who says that I'm special or who builds me up." Sorry but this is rather a twisted point of view. It is expected though. This thinking is natural; coming from a fallen world where man thinks he is deserving and the beneficiary of everything.

If you would seek the counsel of the Scriptures, you would realize that this thinking is partly right and yet is brilliantly used out of context. The best delusions are mixtures of truth and falsehood. But truth is oil and the world is water. They can never be mixed. Truth mixed with falsehood is no longer true. An example would be the serpent's lie in the garden. Another would be the tempting words thrown by Satan to Christ in the desert. Satan, the great deceiver, was so brilliant in quoting verses. The prince of darkness did so accurately, without a single mistake.. except for one: he used the Scriptures out of context.

So going back, the idea of "the one who loves me is the one who affirms me" isn't true. It is true that those who love us affirm us BUT they do not affirm us by going with the things that we like to do. They affirm us by teaching us the truth.

The principle that says "what sounds good to me is right & what is not is wrong" is not only unbiblical but grossly selfish and immoral. Sorry for the harsh words, but we don't gauge our lives on what sounds good to our ears or what we feel is right. I'm sure you, by instinct, know that. We gauge it on one thing: the truth. The question that we should ask when someone is teaching is not "does it feel right?"; rather, it should be "its painful to hear but is it true? because if it is, then we should conform ourselves to it"

As a Christian, I believe that the Bible is the only absolute truth. My thinking, my philosophy or even my experience does not count unless they are affirmed by Scripture. We must seek to radically conform ourselves to the truth. If not, well, the Bible says, we would be like men building a house on sand. A comical illustration but true to anyone who refuses to submit to the truth.

Aaron Messner enlightens us on one of the signs of genuine love:

For many of us, our rule of life goes something like this: 'To love me, is to affirm me. It is to tell me that I am wonderful. I am special.' I ask, 'Is that really the sign of true love? Is it unconditional affirmation? Unconditional support? Unconditional praise?' You know, that may be a picture of love in our world, but if we look to the Scriptures in an effort to answer these questions, we actually get a very different picture of love. Who loves you? Well, you may be able to summarize scriptural teaching in this way: 'The one who loves me is the one who labors to tell me the truth, and is willing to sacrifice themselves so that I may come to know that truth and conform my life to that truth.' Let me say that again, 'Scripturally speaking, the one who loves who loves me is the one who is willing to tell me the truth, and is not just willing to say what is true but is willing to sacrifice themselves in order to help me come to understand what is true and follow what is true.'

If you really love a person, the last thing you want her to do is to believe a lie. Paul just wrote a very painful letter to the Corinthians but he said he did it out of love "with much weeping". Paul sacrificed his reputation and public image to tell men the truth about themselves and the truth about Christ. Isn't that what real love is? To labor in telling men the truth even at the cost of one's life?

Or consider Jesus, He said the heaviest words in Scripture to His sheep, stuff that made people angry to the point that they wanted to kill him, yet can anyone testify that Jesus never loved His people?

The philosophy of the one-who-loves-me-affirms-me drives much of this world - relationships, family and even preaching. Of course we affirm people and we encourage people because we love them. But to do so by altering the message, flattery, apathy or neutrality is no help at all. Bottom line, those who really care for you are those who will tell you the bare truth given that it is said with much love and humility.

We must soften our hearts to listen to the truth. We must seek to conform our lives to it and delight it in because the truth is all we have. Truth is a blessing, not a curse! Its time for us to stop looking for affirmations in our relationships. Or perhaps, its time for us to stop affirming wrong things or looking for ways to flatter the other party to gain their trust. End point? Love one another in the same way Jesus loved us - by truth, by example and by sacrifice.