Lukewarmness and Stagnation

s this as far as I can go?", is what I used to ask myself. I felt like I've hit the wall and could go no further. I was stuck in the malicious cycle of stagnation and lukewarmness. I was walking in the light yet my heart was far from God. By His Spirit, I realized that I myself was in the way. I denied it at first saying: "I do this and that. I endure persecution for Him and exhibit Christ-like character, how could I be in the way of His blessing?" I was fooled and deceived by my self righteousness that doesn't even qualify as one in His standard. It is even laughable to begin with. The Bible says that even our greatest works are filthy rags in the eyes of the Lord. Righteousness comes solely from Him, the holy and eternal One.

My heart was the wall in my way. My heart was the dam that strangled God's waters. No wonder it was so hard to break! It was me. I was ignorantly justifying myself with my actions. I confined God in heaven and worked based on my judgment. I was blinded by my "this is for Him" self talk. I kept God out of my life even though I prayed and studied His Word. I was in control, not God. No wonder I always fell short. I always failed. I thought it was God's testing so I kept going. But the truth is, He was screaming for a space in my life.

No matter how noble my actions may be, if God is not in it, then it is good for nothing. I then remembered that it is by His grace that we truly thrive. We can never survive a moment without His grace. How could I have forgotten this? If He withdraws His grace from the universe, everything will fall out of place. The sea would swallow us up and the stars would fall upon us. And these are but small events of what would happen the moment God withdraws. It is His grace that holds back the powers of the universe or the cries of destruction. If the universe, as big and endless as it may seem is under a drop of His grace, how much more would he demand man should be? Everything is by His grace so that no one would boast or claim that by himself he is right. No one can be right by his own means. We should not live as filled cups that give no space for grace. We must live and serve as empty cups, waiting and thirsting for the filling of our Master.

The moment God made me realize these things, I stepped out of the way. He faithfully destroyed the wall. I was crushed and renewed. With a new understanding, He took me to the summit and showed me all that has to be done. And my former question "Is this as far as I can go?" became "Whoa! How far can I go??"