COURTSHIP VS DATING (PART 2)

Its been a very busy season for me which is why I was also unable to continue with this series. To be honest, I don't even know if I can finish this series or post something else after this second part.

If you haven't read the first part yet, please click here.

Anyways, unto the next difference..

Difference number 3:
Courtship says "Pursue the woman in whom God is leading you to and direct all your attention and efforts to her alone, considering no one else". Dating says "Yep, go for one woman but be open to others too. Being too exclusive is not healthy for you."

This is pretty much self-explanatory. Plus "Being too exclusive is not healthy" is obviously a lie even though many believe it. I've heard "the being too exclusive is bad" speech from a lot of my male friends and they all know I disagree with it. I don't even have to point to Scripture to disprove such belief. I only have to look at how a healthy, married, God-exclusive, Christian couple looks like or how Jesus, Himself, was exclusive to His Bride (Church).

Anyways, to pursue one woman at the time isn't enough to say "Yeah, I'm a stick to one kind of guy". You also have to be closed to others. Yep, that's right! To pursue one woman means to be closed to others too. This is where it comes down to. You can't promise to give your heart to one lady then open your heart to several behind her back.

I know this sounds hypocritical. Still, if you are seriously courting a woman whom you potentially want to marry, shouldn't you consider only ONE? I know its hard but if you've really matured, I don't see a problem in considering only one girl and no one else.

Besides, trust me, this is all for our benefit. The more you give yourself to obedience, the more you'll find yourself happy. The opposite is true. The more you give yourself to sensuality, worldliness or sexual immorality, the more you'll feel alone, miserable and abandoned. Its just a fact. Ask anyone who's given themselves to worldly thinking.

Difference number 4:
Courtship says "To get to know her, observe her from a distance first as friends." Dating says "Get to know her NOW! Be intimate or else you'll never experience her to see if she's really for you"

I know many of you would argue, "but if you don't intimate with her or at least experience her at a closer level, how you will you know if she's fit for you?"

Against such argument these are my reasons:

1) First of all, intimacy is not a pre-requisite to "knowing a woman". You don't need to be really intimate with a woman to get to know her. I know some of you would say "but we need to experience her at least!". That is acceptable. To experience her as a friend is Biblically sound. However, be warned. Experience does not precede learning. Satan sold the same lie to Adam and Eve and look what happened. "Go! Experience the fruit first then learn! If you become gods, amen! if you don't well, at least you'll learn...", these are the mumblings of the serpent. Give in to this and you'll just be as miserable as Adam and Eve. The Bible says "learn first, then experience". Besides, Christians don't gauge their lives on experiences unless they are weighed against Scripture and found to be right. Christian life is based solely on their Master's Word.

2) Secondly, distant observation in the context of friendship has advantages. Believe me. There are some women there, who as soon as they know that you like them, they'll just change their attitude to gain more attention. And you, being the flirt, wanting to give more attention do the same. Now, of course, not all men or women are like that. In fact, some that I know do it unintentionally. Both sides love the attention so I guess they just "respond".

Anyways, by distant observation (not in the context of a stalker but a friend ^_^) you'll see how she really behaves. You will see her as she really is. There will be no "artificial covering" or "superficial flavoring" hehe. You will see her in a natural setting. According to Joshua Harris, a fellow blogger and a famous author of many books, dating creates an artificial environment where both members of the opposite sex (ESPECIALLY THE MEN) are trying to woo each other through superficial attitudes. I believe this is true and so do you.

3) The context of friendship allows you to experience her in a "normal" relationship without the pressure of "looking good for her" or vice versa. I don't know for you but its deeply liberating. I mean, I don't really need to spend much time thinking if I wore the right shirt or not (horrible example lol) because she's not aware of my feelings and I have no intention of getting intimate with her in anyway. I'm a casual friend who's on the look out. That's all.

But of course, you don't keep your feelings to yourself forever. Although you definitely have to guard yourself while praying, you must also try to examine yourself if you're ready for a relationship while waiting. Are you considering the possibility of marriage with her? Are you willing to go all the way to the altar with her if she decides to make herself vulnerable to you? Are you ready to assume the responsibilities of caring for her and leading her in her spiritual life? These are questions that we have previously discussed in my first entry and they all have to be taken seriously.

That's it for now... 'till next time... hopefully there is still a next time ^_^