I Am Nothing

When the Scripture reveals my true nature and my experience proves such disposition, I am at ease. My flesh screams for room before the throne of God but the Spirit, Who is always strong, declares the sovereign holiness of the Almighty.

Truly there is nothing left for man. Not a hand to raise or a head to bow... absolutely nothing. The pain of not being of true use and not being of significance is a pain that shatters the carnal wickedness that dwells in me. Now I truly understand, "In me dwells no good thing", and allow me to add that in the Lord dwells everything of purity. No blemish. No flaw. Perfect in every aspect, corner and surface.

This Lord that the Bible boasts about is not a Lord who works by synergy or transaction. He sovereignly does as He pleases. He breaks and reforms, crushes and restores, hardens and saves and the endless list goes on throughout the pages of eternity.

A true believer would shout at the top of his lungs: "Woe is to me! Undone am I! Yet my Lord is mighty and there is none like Him." And he would close with the words: "Nothing else do I bring, only to the Cross I cling." In his heart he joyfully wonders: "I am unclean to the bone and condemned.. but how did He ever come to love me, save me and even adopt me? I cannot tell. Surely by His sovereign choice He saved me, so that His power may be known and that His merit alone may be recognized, not the works of man."

This dark torment of helpless, hopeless and insignificant void is my Lord's pleasure for such turbulent river of hurt breaks the son of the serpent from the curse of pride and self-esteem. How I praise the God of creation that His Spirit works in such a way that I would submit to His will in pain, for it is against the depths of my rotting filth, but pleasure, for it agrees with the new nature which is another amazing gift from Christ.

If the Lord's angel would speak His thundering voice, it would start with an "I" and end with an "I". He is God, I am not. He is holy, I am not. He is everything that is not of me. I am simply the opposite of His being, if not for His tremendous power of salvific grace.

In the end, I am but an insignificant ant under the shade of the mighty oaks. I am well and blessed beyond words! Now I understand what Paul truly meant when he said "When I am weak, I am strong." It is not just because in our weakness is the strength of God found. Neither is it also just about being humble and submissive to the churning forces of His throne. Thirdly, it is not just about losing your energy that you may take up the strong armor of the Lord. So what is it about?

Its about: I am nothing but God is everything. And since I am His, I too share in what He has; not in terms of control but in terms of enclosure. As a sandwich gets trapped in a sandwich bag until it is eaten by its Maker so does a sinner gets trapped in grace until it is consumed by the Holy Fire of God. So then, I am weak, oh yes trapped in sin, but was saved by grace, oh! what marvelous, incomprehensible act? And now strong not by merit or achievement but by the power of Christ's deliverance alone.

I am truly nothing. What great torment! And yet it is also my greatest comfort because my Lord is everything! I may painfully be an empty shell but look! I can and shall be filled! And despite such loss, the glory and responsibility is of God, not of man. I am free from everything and at peace with Him by Him, through Him, in Him and for Him. So though the pain comes, the peace drawn from such is eternally rewarding. It is all about God.